Stefan the Bamon Fanboy: Easter Surprise
by tjadebush
Summary: Stefan's attempts at getting his OTP to realize their love for each other have been complete failures. But it's Easter, and of course our favorite broody vampire has something up his sleeve! *Already posted on Tumblr-Just thought I'd add it here too!*
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little something something for Easter. This was off the top of my head, so I apologize if it's not as humorous as it could be. Hope you enjoy! (:**

**Disclaimer: I owe nothing. **

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"Stefan, don't forget the basket!"

"Caroline, stop yelling at me. I'm really stressed right now and I just can't handle your bitching!"

"Ugh. Geez, I was just making sure you had everything. I want this to work just as badly as you, okay? So it has to be perfect."

Stefan sighed, "You're right; I'm sorry Caroline. It's just... My OTP efforts have been getting me nowhere and I... I... OMG." He put a hand to his chest to keep from what he recently dubbed an 'OTP Attack.'

"Hey hey, calm down. You're okay. We got this. What's the mantra I taught you? Remember it."

Stefan took deep breaths to calm himself. "Bamon 5evar, Bamon 5evar, Bamon 5evar."

Caroline rubbed his back in encouragement. "There ya go. That's it. You're okay. Bamon 5evar."

"I'm alright, now. Okay. Shew. This is gonna work, right Care?"

"That's right. Now come on; Bonnie will be here in ten minutes and if she suspects something's up, she'll leave. Got the eggs?"

"Yup. Let's do this."

The Bamon project had been going nowhere for Stefan. His many attempts at getting Bonnie and Damon sexing each other up proved to be unsuccessful and quite maddening to him. His first try him and Caroline asking the two going out to the supermarket to grab an item in the same aisle in hopes of a 'not so coincidence' run in. That proved to useless as both went to separate grocery stores. The second attempt had been more life threatening; Stefan compelled a boy from school to try and rob Bonnie of her purse at the Grill. At the same time casually bringing up that Damon should go check out the parking lot. Long story short, Damon wasn't needed as Bonnie ended up beating the shit out of the boy before Damon showed up.

Stefan had never been so frustrated in his undead life. He had shipped many couples before, but Bonnie and Damon were the most infuriating and stressful. So much so that he ended up needing to see a dermatologist about the wrinkles his OTP had been causing his forehead. It was all too much! But he refused to give up. No. His OTP would be together no matter how many brooding wrinkles he ended up with. After the first two failures, he decided to seek someone out. Someone who had been shipping his bbys even before he had.

Lucy.

He and Care had met with her in hopes of getting help. He explained the situation, cried a little, and ended up in the witches comforting embrace while begging for help through the tears. She confessed how she shipped the two and decided she'd use a little magic to help. Luckily for the trio, Easter had been coming up so she used her shipping skills in the form of chocolate eggs spelled with a desire spell. All Bonnie and Damon would have to do is eat the eggs and all would be right in the world of Stefan the Bamon Fanboy as his OTP would finally get in each others pants and have sweet supernatural love time while their fanboy watched on like a proud momma.

That's how he now finds himself in an Easter bunny costume, a basket with the eggs, Caroline looking from the distance, and hope in his Bamon heart. He waited in the bushes of the Salvatore backyard going unnoticed by Damon who sat at the patio table with a glass of Bourbon in hand and agitated face.

"Seriously, Stefan, what the hell is this?" He muttered to himself and looked at his watch. His little brother had told him to go out on the patio and wait for a surprise. Damon had been reluctant of course, especially after the way Stef had been acting lately. He somehow always managed to bring witchy into the conversation every time they talked. Or he'd have a hissy fit and actually cry when he brought a bimbo home to have fun with. He really didn't get it. Damon knew girls were only possible of PMS, but Stefan was one exception. That's why he had agreed to meet outside; he really wasn't in the mood for another hissy fit. Whatever was going on had better been worth it by the time it was over. He heard the front door shut and turned around to see Bonnie making her to the back porch. "The hell?" Now he was really confused.

"Witchy? What are you doing here?"

"Um you texted me and told me to come here, Damon, duh."

Damon was becoming frustrated and even more confused. "No, I didn't. You must be mixed up."

Bonnie shook her head, "No, Damon, you did. Look." She showed him the message; it was indeed his number, but he didn't remember sending it.

"Yeah that's my number, but I didn't send that. Someone must have gotten a hold- STEFAN. Dammit, when I see him, I'm gonna snap his neck."

At this time the bunny dressed vampire thought it was the perfect time to hop out of the bushes. He bunny hopped his way to the pair, basket in hand and excitement in his heart. To say they were surprised is an understatement. All they could do was stand there, speechless and unable to make sense of what was happening.

"What the hell is this?" Bonnie was getting just as frustrated as Damon.

The bunny stopped in front of the two, pulled the two eggs out of the basket and handed them to the pair. They were clearly wary and suspicious of what was happening. The bunny gestured to open the wrappers and eat the delicious candy. He seemed harmless enough so they decided to go along with it.

Stefan could feel the adrenaline rushing in his body and the saliva building in his mouth as they got closer to the moment he'd been waiting for. He noticed the sweat beginning to pour, not only from the suit but from the anxiousness of what about to happen. After many efforts and many failures, his OTP was finally coming together on this joyous, pastel color-filled holiday all due to a nut-filled chocolatey goodness about to touch their tongues. His fanboy heart was screaming inside of his undead body as he waited for the moment of truth where he could jump out of the suit and squeal at his accomplished goal. It would be glorious and the beginning of something divine, all thanks to him.

Just as Bonnie made a move to put the candy in her mouth, she stopped...and Stefan remembered what he had seemed to forgotten in his relentless quest of getting his OTP together.

"I'm allergic to nuts."

She threw the piece of candy away.

Bunny Stefan collapsed to the ground. OTP Attack taking over. Dreams crushed again. Heart broken again. And his OTP still not together.

The only thought that came to his mind was:

_'April Fools day is tomorrow.' _A devious smile formed on his face and his brain began turning once again with ideas.

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**Someone has asked me to do an April Fools sequel, so I decided I will! It'll be up tomorrow! (:**

**-T**

_**Bamon 5evar**_


	2. Chapter 2

**The sequel to StBFB: Easter Surprise! Hope ya enjoy! Bamon 5evar, ya'll! Hahaha**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

_Who would've thought coming up with a prank for them would be so hard? I mean I've got all day, but I'd like to do something clever, but romantic at the same time. This is supposed to push them together. Yeah, they may get a little upset with me, but the end justifies the means dammit! I've talked to Care Bear(I find the name cute, she doesn't mind that I call her that) and she can't seem to think of anything either. Of course she's not the brightest crayon in the box(shh don't tell her I said that). Whatever, I'm sure I'll think of som-_

That's when he hears it-a sigh. His head snaps up at the faint sound; if he wasn't a vampire he wouldn't have heard it.

"Hmph." He shakes his head and continues to write.

_-something. Anyway, I had a pretty good feeding session this morning. I found this cuddly little white rabbit. I tell you, journal, it looked just like my costume from yesterday. Crazy! You remember yesterday, journal. I told you all about it. I just don't know what else I can do to get my OTP sexing each other up! OMFG JOURNAL I'M SO FRUSTRATED! WHY CAN'T THEY JUST GET NAKED ALREADY?!... I'm sorry journal, I didn't mean to word-scream at you; I'm just so stre-_

This time it's a moan. Not just any moan; a sweaty, hot sex moan. The sound is so familiar to Stef_-_like he's heard the voice before. He shakes his head again, disappointed that his big brother has brought home yet another slutty bimbo to have fun with. 'Makes me want to cry... No, Stefan, no crying! Remember Caroline said I need to get a hold on the tears.' He takes a deep breath, blinks the tears away and gets back to writing and ignoring the sex sounds coming from down the hall.

_-stressed. I'm just hoping one day they see the light and realize how canon they are. I can picture it now. Getting the smooches on, making hot, passionate, OTP love. Then one day they go and get a couple of milshakes. Then when the milkshakes come there's a ring on Bonnie's straw, and Damon gets on his knees. Then! Oh lord then he makes the best proposal of his undead life and she says yes and they let all of us know! And I'll plan the wedding with Caroline-I can see it now. Then they get married and end up having little vampire/witch babies who are the most badass kids in all the land! And OMG journal, I could be the fucking MAID OF HONOR-I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS. I can't even, journal buddy. I just can't._

He let's out an irritated grunt at the sound of the moan again. 'Geez, calm it the fuck down, brother! What would Bonnie think?!' He slams his hand on the desk, but not hard enough to drown out the sound of his brothers named being breathlessly moaned.

"Uhn, right there, Damon." The girl whimpers. 'Hold the fuck up! Is that?..."

"OH YES, DAMON! YES YES YES!"

'THAT'S BONNIE FUCKING BENNETT! ASKASHKAGDK!' Stefan's eyes bug out of his head, he begins to sweat and have an OTP Attack. He continues to listen in on the glorious sounds of love coming from his brothers room. He can hardly believe what he's hearing at the moment. How? Why? When did this happen?! He's been trying to get those two bitches together for months now. So how the hell did this just randomly happen? 'Cool it, Stefan. Cool it! This is a great thing! Don't be angry at how it happened; just be thankful that it _did _happen. Omfg... IT'S HAPPENED. MY OTP HAVE FINALLY REALIZED THEY'RE MEANT TO BE AND ARE SEXING IT UP RIGHT NOW. Holy shit holy shit holy shit. Just wait til Care hear's about this perfect new development.'

He continues to listen in on his brother and friend in the throws of passion with a grin on his face. Looks like Saint-Bamon-Shipping Stefan won't need a prank after all. In fact, this is more like Christmas x100 for him. He moves closer, being as quiet as he can. Getting right up to the door, leaning in he can't stop the slight squeal that leaves his lips. Apparently they don't seem to hear because they continue with their romp.

"Uhn Bonnie-yes. You're so beautiful, little bird." Damon is panting and Stefan can hardly contain his own excitement at the sound, as weird as that is. 'He called her beautiful! He called her little bird! Lawd if I die now, I'll die damn happy. YASSSSSSSSSSSS.' The vampire is so caught up in his joyous thoughts that he doesn't realize the door is giving way. Before he knows it, he's lying on the hardwood floor of his brother's room. What happens next is not what he expects.

Bonnie throws a bucket of water on Stefan and Damon tosses a bucket of feathers on his baby brothers body. The two can't stop themselves from hysterically laughing and yelling to him:

"APRIL FOOLS!"

They keep laughing out loud and pointing while Stefan just stands dumbfounded. He's speechless, confused, and a little...happy?

They see his face and tune down the laughing a little bit. Damon's the first to speak, at the same time cackling away. "We knew how much you enjoyed being a Mr. Easter Bunny yesterday."

Bonnie chimes in next, tears in her eyes from the sight in front of her. "So we thought you'd enjoy being a chicken even more! Now we know your diet, Stefan, so don't get confused and try to eat yourself!"

They begin hysterically laughing again and clucking like a chicken. Stefan still stands there, shocked that he actually fell for something so simple. He should be pissed-livid even! He got excited only to find out the OTP loving was fake, his new Tommy Hilfiger shirt is ruined, and he's got feathers in his hair that took an hour to fix this morning. But none of it seems to matter because even though they both lied, are mocking him, and pointing their fingers-they're doing it...TOGETHER.

'Oh my god, I'm getting closer. Dammit, I'm almost there. I just can't find it in me to be angry because MY OTP ARE LAUGHING TOGETHER. TOGETHER. FUCKING TOGETHER. I want to cry right now. I need to cry right now, because of the happiness. I can't even. Uhhh just wait til I tell journal!'

Stefan smiles and joins in on the laughter, but his a little more like an insane type of laughter. He claps, nods his head, and just keeps staring at his perfect OTP. Still in his amusement he turns around, does a heel kick and speeds off to his room to clean himself up, call Caroline to squeal his fanboy heart out, and reflect on the days perfect turn of events.

'April Fools' day turned out to be OTP's day instead.' Stefan happily sighs and begins thinking of wedding colors that will best fit his Bonnie and his Damon...

His Bamon!

**So thank you guys for reading! Most of this was, again, off the top of my head. I'm not great with humor, but I really wanted to try! This has also been posted on Tumblr for those who follow me! Happy April Fools' Day, everyone! (=**

**-T**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiya! I'm back with another addition to StBFB! I may just leave this in progress now, because I never know when inspiration might hit to write something else. I hope you guys like this one. It's not as funny as I hoped it would be, but I took the time to type it out and so I won't let it go to waste. Those of you waiting for These Occasions updates, you'll get at least three this week. Ya know why? Because it's Bamon Week on Tumblr and I will take full advantage of it! (= **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Matrimonial Imagination

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today, in the face of company, to join my OTP in holy matrimony."

The two are face to face, happily awaiting Stefan to continue. When they asked him to officiate the wedding he had been more than happy to do it, considering it's his OTP. Stefan had even planned the whole wedding, decorations and all. There's a red velvet cake-Bonnie's favorite-shaped in the letters B and D; and a group of birds off to the side waiting to be released.

"Into this holy state, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together let them speak now-and feel my teeth in your neck-or forever hold you peace."

Everyone was present, dressed up, and ready to send the happy couple off to a life full of blissful marriage and love. Stefan couldn't contain his tears as he continued the officiant and struggled to keep it together when they both spoke their vows. He took out a tissue and noisily blew his nose; who knew vampires had snot?

"Damon, we've gone through hard and angsty times. We started off completely despising one another, at one point trying to kill each other!" Everyone gives a good laugh and nods of agreement. "But at some point through all the bickering and the dislike, you grew on me and I grew on you, and we just kind of changed. We changed a lot actually. We were no longer just Damon and just Bonnie. We became Damon and Bonnie, and because of that I wouldn't change our past for anything in the world. Everything that happened brought us together and I will never regret it." She paused for a brief second and finished, "And I will forever be grateful of Stefan's schemes and tricks at getting us together. He's just the best person I've ever met, along with his lover Silas. If it hadn't been for Stefan and his obsession for his OTP, we really wouldn't be here. He's the real reason we're getting married and I'll forever be in debt to him. I guess as a thank you, we can name our kids after him. They'll all be named Stefan because he's just that amazing." Stefan let out a small cough. Doing a girls voice really was hard work.

He chuckled and waved a dismissive and humble hand, "Oh stop it you. I am awesome though, aren't I?"

He lowered his voice to fit Damon, "Oh yes Stefan, you're the perfect brother. I've always loved you and I never really wanted to make your life miserable. I was just butt hurt that you had better hair. But thank you for doing this. I'll never say a mean thing to you ever again. And like Bonnie said, we'll name our kids after you. I didn't even know we could have kids, but Klaus can-his triflin ass did with that bitch Hayley-so I guess we can too!"

Before Damon could start his vows, Stefan heard a knock on his door.

"Stefan, who the hell are you talking to?" Damon's voice came through and the the panic settled over the fanboy.

"Uh... Um.. N-nothing! Just a minute!" His voice cracked as he rushed to put everything away. He threw the dolls resembling everyone under his bed, but not before making Doll Damon and Doll Bonnie kiss. He shoved the cake behind in his, and tossed the cage of birds out the window just when his door opened. As he panted and tried to get rid his nervousness, he didn't notice Doll Bonnie was still peeking out from under his bed. He just stared at Damon, eyebrows raised and looking suspicious.

"What's going on? You look like you're up to something." Damon was squinting and looking around his brother's room when his eyes stopped on the doll lying on the floor. "What's that? Ha! Playing with Barbie dolls now, Stefan? I always knew you were a little on the feminine side."

"What?" He followed Damon's eyes, his own getting large when he saw 'Bonnie' beside his feet. "No! I'm not playing with Barbies. Pssh please. I was just... I was.. Well..." He nervously laughed and scratched his head.

"Yeah yeah, there's no denying it. The evidence is right there. Don't worry bother, I won't tell anyone." He winked and stared at the doll some more. "Huh. Ya know, that kind of looks like Judgey." picking up the doll, his eyes got bigger. "Wow, actually that's look exactly like her. Why is she wearing a wedding dress? Looks kind of cute."

At those words, all Stefan could see was Damon and Doll Bonnie in a church, kissing as they finally say 'I do.' It's the most glorious vision he's ever seen, and now he's back to sobbing and having a feels attack.

Damon's not exactly sure what's happening, so instead of interrupting his brothers dramatic moment, he trows the doll down and heads out the door. He looks back to see Stefan still crying and and muttering words under his breath about 'I do' and 'feels.' Shaking his head, he heads out in the back yard to the woods to go hunt when something shiny catches his eye. Walking up the object, he's notices it's a cage with... birds? "What the hell?" He picks up the cage, and sees a tag attached to the door. Damon is shocked at what he reads on the tag. He drops the cage and head back in the house to give his brother the lecture of a lifetime.

"STEFAN!"

Meanwhile, the cage lies on the ground, tag still attached to the door reading the words,

_To be released for the wedding of Stefan Salvatore's OTP, Bamon's, wedding._

**Hope you guys liked it! Tell me what you think! (=**

**-T**


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